tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13309047895640207152024-02-08T11:45:50.997-08:00YoursPersonallyCommentary on Socio-psychological issues.
Advisory on Psychological issues.oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-20376462481467790742016-04-15T03:08:00.004-07:002016-04-21T03:17:21.763-07:00Learn Better: Exploring Experiential Learning at the Workplace<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Learning experts who are hired for quick-fix solutions would go back to learning theories and instructional models and choose one which fits the best. Soon you will have an impressive product that your associates will take over a few hours and show their increased competence with an end of course assessment.<br />
<br />
Perfect. Perfect when we need them to memorise facts. Bloom’s level one. Maybe two?<br />
But why stay at level two, when you can reach right to the fifth or the sixth level? Why choose which learning theory or model fits more, when you can have a little bit of all? Why use only reading and/or listening skills of your employees, when you can use (and hone) many more!<br />
<br />
Welcome Experiential Learning into your L&D sphere.<br />
<br />
Experiential Learning, in simple words, is learning through experience.<br />
Experience. What our forefathers cherished. Why, I remember reading a quote by Confucius on the door of my Chemistry Lab, when I was in the seventh standard:<br />
<br />
“I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”<br />
<br />
Experience. Cognitive Psychologists and their years of research has proven that what gets stored in the episodic memory is literally etched for life – via the Long Term Memory. Episodic Memory is what keeps your experiences safe for future reference.<br />
<br />
Experience. Something you are immersed in, with your whole brain. All your senses. When all your brain functions are aligned to rapidly analyse, interpret and reanalyse and reinterpret the world around you. You not only use your dry analytical-brain-in-void to do that, but you also leverage your emotions in the process, just as you would do in the real world!<br />
Experience. When knowledge, Comprehension, Application, Analysis, Synthesis and Evaluation all take place together.<br />
<br />
Experience. What better way to learn can there be?<br />
<br />
I remember my social psychology professor dividing our class into groups for some games, before we started our chapter on Group Dynamics. I cannot forget a single point she had to make.<br />
Workshops and Adventure activities can be designed in the most creative ways to impart all of behavioural trainings, and a lot of skill trainings too! Metaphor Development (Schön, 1993) is an interesting recent addition to this technique. “An essential characteristic of this frame of reference is the central position given to the experiencing participant, and the process of metaphorizing which captures their experience” reflects professor of Occupational and Organizational Psychology, Johan Hovelynck.<br />
<br />
Your next offsite event can be designed to include such interesting activities.<br />
So why not increase some employee engagement, while enhancing their performance?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-6659187057130791042013-10-02T09:18:00.001-07:002013-10-02T12:08:43.622-07:00Why women and their safety will not be on agenda of political parties.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f5f2; font-family: Georgia, Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>"Why don't people first control their daughters? I'd burn my daughter alive if she was having pre-marital sex,roaming around with her boyfriend at night"</i></span> </div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: #f6f5f2;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> - The defense lawyer, on the Nirbhaya case verdict.</span></span> </div>
</blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are a lot of inherent problems with democracy, notwithstanding that it is the lesser of the devils, hence supported. I agree with Oscar Wilde when he says, "<span style="line-height: 26px;">Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people". </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 26px;">However, my problem as of now is related to the fact that the government does not care much about those whose votes do not form a bank. The unrepresented unorganized minorities. There are a lot of them, but I will talk of one complex group. It is complex because they live with the mainstream - the women.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 26px;">And here's why, even after universal franchise, women, and their safety will not form a vote bank in India:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 26px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 26px;">1. I will not talk about literacy rates or education here. Because its not like those who do make vote banks make any logical or informed decision. I will talk of the fact that voting is a collectivist event for most families in India. Most women do not have a say in these matters at all, and will put out their vote for whoever the head of the family/ their husband decides.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 26px;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 26px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. And who will be the head of the family? It will most often be a male. This male would have been brought up knowing he is special, because, well, he is a man. It is drilled into his head that protecting and controlling the women of his family is his duty and responsibility. The protecting and controlling may be referring to many other things, but majorly focuses on her sexuality. The only saving grace of having a daughter is that you get to perform "<i>kanyadaan</i>", or "gift the virgin", a ceremony in the weddings when the parents give away their virgin daughter. Now, what if, this virginity was to be "looted", as it is put is the conventional language? What is the point of having this daughter anyway? The woman could have had consensual sex with her lover or she could have been raped- it hardly makes a difference. Oh yes, maybe the rapist is <i>also</i> ostracised and/or killed. Oh wait, that happens with lovers too. </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 26px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 26px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Coming back to the central point, since it is the man's duty to protect and "control" the women of his family, all events related to it become "family issues". How can the government, (read: police, etc.) and the society interfere? There come the obstacles in the implementation of the Protection of Women against Domestic Violence Act (2006), and the hesitations and disinterest in passing a law against Marital Rape.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 26px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 26px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Concluding this point, what can the government do, if you cannot control your women? So there goes the vote of the man who will influence the votes of his family members.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />3. What if some of the women do have their own minds inside of the polling booths, you ask? <br /><br />Even if they did vote after putting in their own thought and needs, too many have their thought process so cultured into patriarchy, that they genuinely do believe that in cases of crimes against women, it is usually the woman's fault - of provoking the crime. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">They also, like their men, believe it is the girls' responsibility to save her "honour", and if it does come under threat, it is the responsibility of the brothers and the father to save her (corollary: if she is out alone, or without a male family memeber, its her fault), and if it does get to the stage that her "honour is violated", it is the girl whose life is over, and needs to be put to death.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(Technically, she should just commit suicide out of shame, so as to not put her family through the the pain of killing her), but shameless as these girls are, the family needs to pitch in).</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So again, how can the woman expect anything from the government, when she has been grown to believe that it is all, in fact, her fault?<br /><br />And this is why we need Feminism. For the sake of better functioning of democracy. For our life.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-38077155472849123242013-04-07T02:58:00.000-07:002013-04-07T02:58:23.095-07:00Justice for Rape. In a Patriarchy.<i>The context out of which I am writing this, is a universal issue in terms of both time and societies. Though what provoked me to put this down in my blog right now was <a href="https://www.facebook.com/IITConfess/posts/557879167577189" target="_blank">this</a>.</i><br />
<br />
It is so difficult for a man in our society to speak out of he has been victimized. One did, anonymously, and just one look at the comments below will tell you a great deal about the society that we are.<br />
<br />
What is rape?<br />
<br />
According to Oxford Dictionary, rape is a<span class="definition"> crime, typically committed by a man, of
forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with the offender
against their will.</span> <br />
<br />
The section 375, of the Indian Penal Code provides that a man having
sexual intercourse with a woman amounts to rape, in following
circumstances, such as:<br />
•Against her will.<br />
•Without her permission or if the permission has been obtained forcefully or by putting her under fear.<br />
•With her permission, when the man is aware that he is not the legal
husband of the woman, but she believes that he is another man to whom
she is legally wedded.<br />
•With her consent, when she is not in proper state of mind, to judge the consequences of such an act.<br />
•With or without her permission, when she is below sixteen years.<br />
<br />
Inadvertently, even though our language still has a slit, which allows us to not totally write off the fact that it is possible for men to be raped by women. However, when it comes to IPC, only men can rape and only women can be raped.<br />
<br />
<br />
The main reason for minimal reporting of sexual harassment is the stigma our society associated with its victims. Underlying the stigma is <b>patriarchy</b>. <br />
<br />
This system has many characteristics,implicating the norm for men to be ruling over women. <br />
<br />
This system, for instance, takes into account only men as as decision makers, and women only as belongings of men. The life of a woman is most often defined in terms of "<i>beti, behen, patni, bahu, ma</i>" (Daughter, sister, wife, daughter-in-law, and mother).<br />
<br />
While she belongs to the man, it is his duty at every stage to keep her in control, to domesticate her. His honour lies in her behaviour, in her sexuality. While onus of protecting the honour of the man's family lies with the men of the family, the womenfolk have the responsibility of not inviting any attacks on her "<i>izzat</i>" honour, or questions over her "character".<br />
(Here, we can understand why the primary route to revenge in most patriarchies in history has been to rape women belonging to the person against whom revenge is to be taken.)<br />
<br />
So, it is obviously evident why female victims of sexual crimes would hardly come out and speak about it (all other reasons, such as perpetrator being somenone close, blackmail, etc. being constant).<br />
<br />
But why is it so difficult for male victims to speak about it? (Apart from the fact that laws do not protect him the way they protect the women). <br />
<br />
<b>It is because sexual crimes have a lot to do with power play.</b><br />
<br />
In a patriarchal setup like ours, wanting/demanding sex is considered a part of a boy's <i>jawani</i> (youth), and a girl's desires of the same as <i>besharmi </i>(shamelessness).<br />
As a corollary, a boy's wish to not have sex is considered as <i>namardi</i> (un-man-liness), and a girl's wish to not have sex is considered as <i>lajja</i> (modesty).<br />
<br />
A girl in this setup is expected to say "no" to sex, shyly. The man is expected to then convince her. He is to dominate and and she is to submit to him.<br />
<br />
This expected role play makes it very difficult for women, and men, to fight for justice.<br />
<br />
For a man is supposed to always be on a lookout for sex. And the woman is to not "entice" him.<br />
The baseless debate of whether she was "asking for it" emerges from this. What other reason is it, that this is one crime where the defendant brings up the victim's history and character into play?<br />
A viral <a href="http://speakingon.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/rape-analogy.jpg" target="_blank">script</a> illustrates the story of rape cases very articulately.<br />
<br />
Now, again as a corollary, a man, who is expected to be jumping at any and every opportunity of having sex, will mocked at a <i>namard</i> if he speaks out that he has been raped. And that too, by a woman.<br />
<br />
In essence, no one can speak out and get justice against rape, without getting ridiculed by the society, by us.<br />
<br />
All this, for the sake of few gender based fossilized character sketches in our heads.<br />
<br />
Is it really worth it? <br />
<br />oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-49733387065983974872013-02-22T23:27:00.000-08:002013-02-24T04:15:50.644-08:00A Tale of harassment, idiocy and male chauvinism.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Passport Seva Kendra, Herald House, New Delhi.<br />
<br />
22.02.2013<br />
<br />
<b>A Tale of harassment, idiocy and male chauvinism.</b><br />
<br />
I need a passport within the next month. Since the normal scheme of the Passport seva is ambiguous about how much time it takes (no guarantee, basically), I decided to not take a chance and pay that extra fee for their tatkal seva (emergency passport service).<br />
<br />
The online procedure was surprisingly citizen friendly! A simple pdf that you have to fill up with all the necessary information, an uploading of the same, and fixing up your appointment for the next day at the passport office of your choice. And the steps were detailed very clearly on their site. Additional helps such as locating your police stations (for selected states), document advisory, fee calculator, etc. were given for your ease. Cakewalk.<br />
<br />
So I took an appointment for 12 pm at the Herald House, ITO on the 22nd of Feb, 2013. I was given the reporting time of 11:45. The appointment slot, which say "12-12:15" makes the process seem deceptively short and easy for a novice.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, on reaching I saw a huge crowd, and long queues leading to some counters. It was very hard to find out which queue to get in first. Somehow, on asking peers around, I just got into one line. A lady was checking documents there.<br />
<br />
Reaching her after more than half an hour, she took my VC (Verification Certificate- a certificate issued by a gazetted officer verifying my character, my address, etc. on a government letterhead-with the emblem "Truth only Triumphs"), and objected to it.<br />
<br />
"This will not be considered" She said flatly and hurriedly.<br />
"Why"? I asked, obviously bewildered. Why two government authorities cannot have a coordination as to what is acceptable?<br />
"This stamp" she pointed to the officer's designation stamp at the end of the VC, "should be here on your photo as well", she said pointing to the stamp on my photo. The stamp on the photo was that of his office.<br />
<br />
After more than half an hour of standing in the queue with irritable fellow citizens, I did not want to go back. So I pleaded her to consider it, since its obviously issued by a gazetted officer, along with his stamps and signatures. She said flatly that she could not do anything about it, and that I should go talk to "sir" at the last counter.<br />
<br />
That sir had another long queue. and by the time I was only half way through the queue, it was lunch time. So we kept standing for another forty-five-minutes plus till sir finished his lunch. Then slowly, the line started moving and after about half an hour more, I got my turn.<br />
<br />
I showed him the document, but chose to not tell him exactly what the problem with it is.<br />
<br />
As I expected, he did find a problem because he was expected to, but his problem wasnt the same as the lady's.<br />
<br />
"This wont work!" he exclaimed. "This VC does not have the officer's email address and fax number! How will we verify?? Go get his email and fax. Come on Monday."<br />
<br />
"But sir, he has given his mobile and landline phone numbers, and office address!" I tried to reason. But in vain.<br />
"Get the email and fax from the mobile and landline then" he replied, "Then only something can be done".<br />
<br />
I got out of the line. I took out my phone and called the reference. But some signal issues stopped me from making a direct call. I called my mother and her to call the officer and ask for his email address and fax number. She did. I wrote. I got into the line again. Stood again for a long time and finally, he approved my file.<br />
<br />
Why is this VC incident so important? Here's why:<br />
<br />
The next step was processing at counter A. Here, all your details are filled in the system and you pay your fees. While the girl sitting opposite me was filling my details, one screen was facing me so that I could keep checking.<br />
<br />
The shocking and the annoying part then was when she was filling in the details of the VC. All the required fields were marked asterisk. THE EMAIL AND THE FAX WERE NOT. And not only that, the girl filled up only the required fields, so even though I had written the email address and the fax number, she skipped those fields!!<br />
<br />
It was not required! Harassment. Waste of time incident #1.<br />
<br />
Then I moved upstairs to counter B. The floor was packed with people. We were all given tokens serial wise at counter A. And token numbers were being flashed on the screen. So I waited with everybody for my turn. For two hours.Some of the people standing with me, and I realized within an hour that token numbers are not being flashed sequentially. People with token numbers after mine had already reached the next counter C, and hadnt had a turn even at counter B.<br />
<br />
The girl announcing the names had an amazing reason why we were not seeing token numbers sequentially. "Because they are not being flashed sequentially!". Then what the **** is the use of a token system?? Why this farce??<br />
<br />
Then the best part, when it was my turn at counter B - The verification zone. The man sitting opposite to me started verifying my photostatted documents with my originals. He stopped at one place. My last one year's address proof- my bank statement, which is a joint account with my mother.<br />
<br />
And what followed took the cake: <br />
<br />
After frowning on it for a minute, "You have a joint account with your mother?" he asked.<br />
I replied in affirmative, and clarified that was a part of my previous residence proof that I had to submit since I have just got married and shifted to a new address.<br />
<br />
"Can I see your husband's address proof?" He counter questioned.<br />
I told him I was carrying his passport, but the address on it was that of his native place, not the present address. But I was confused. So I sought clarity.<br />
<br />
"I dont understand sir. I have come here for MY passport. I am giving you the proof of my present address, as well as the proof of my previous address. For MY passport, why do you need an address proof of my husband?"<br />
<br />
"You are married right?" He asked. "Yes I am" I said, and drew his attention to the copy of the marriage certificate I'd submitted and showed to him the original as well.<br />
<br />
He looked in doubt. I was getting impatient. It was about to be 6 pm.<br />
<br />
"What is the matter?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"I dont know... if you do not furnish your husband's present address proof, what is the proof that your present address is the same as his present address?"<br />
<br />
I stared at him. "And why do you need that proof??"<br />
<br />
"Because something is fishy. Why so you have a joint account with your mother and not with your husband?" he wondered aloud. "Why do you not have a joint account with your husband? If you have, I'd like to see that please."<br />
<br />
I lost it. "WHY do you want to see where my husband lives, or whether we have a joint account or not." I have a legal document here telling you that I am married, why do you need these documents?? Where is it written that these are required, show me."<br />
<br />
I lost it, not because I was tired or he was asking for something extra. I lost it because would he have asked my husband the same question had he come for his passport?<br />
<br />
I have huge issues with filling forms as "w/o", till married men have to fill it with "h/o". I am fine with writing my parents' names. Parents', not fathers. But writing w/o, while my husband fills it as "s/o"- No, That's just not done. So you can imagine why I lost it there.<br />
<br />
My raised voice drew attention of a senior officer who was on rounds. He checked the documents and told that chauvinist that the docs were correct. He tried to reason something with the officer too, but thankfully, I passed the "verification". <br />
<br />
In the last step I was given a quick print out, a receipt, which says my application status was "on hold". I tried to ask what it meant, but I was shoved out my the massive crowd.<br />
<br />
It took me more than six hours, for a work worth of half an hour. The only thing that kept me from complaining was to see women handling all of this, plus babies/irritable children. And they had to handle everything by themselves, because only those can enter the premises, whose passports are to be done.<br />
<br />
Dear Passport office,<br />
<br />
1. Please get some management lessons, a.k.a. common sense.<br />
-Manage appointments!! If you let more people than you can handle get appointments, what is the use of that fancy service- "Appointments"??<br />
-If you have a token number system, use it the way it is supposed to be used!!<br />
<br />
2. Get gender sensitivity workshops for the workforce. A lot of organizations do it well. gotstared.at, for instance.<br />
<br />
3. I appreciate you want to manage crowd when you do not allow people to accompany. But have some sense and make a public decision about allowing both parents, if there is a child/children, or allowing a help in case of senior citizens, etc.<br />
<br />
And do not scream on the microphone "Dont stand on my head!!" when you can see there is no other place to stand/sit down.<br />
Politeness and the above suggestions will make you, not only more humane, but more efficient as well.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-80541303446783798172012-09-10T01:06:00.001-07:002012-09-10T08:55:54.156-07:00Double Jeopardy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>"This isn't dowry, these are just customary gifts, a part of the wedding routine of our culture."</i><br />
<br />
I hear of this denial in most of the affluent urban families, when I confront them on the gift giving/taking. Mind you, it isn't "exchange" of gifts, because that's a pleasantry. This is a one side transfer of goods and cash, which the sophisticated urban population prefers to call "custom" or "culture". I being a part of their culture, feel extremely disgusted and offended when this is shabby excuse is put forward. This is NOT my culture.<br />
<br />
In my culture, the girl was not a burden, as what was given to HER during her wedding was her share of inheritance. It belonged to her, strictly her property to keep her financially secure and independent. We all know how it gave birth to gobbling of her share by her in-laws, and further, demanding of cash, goods and services from the bride's family-dowry. Then, if that wasn't enough, the bride's new clothes were eyes upon by the females of her new household, and the overpowered bride had little left to her. Hence, began the tradition of giving new clothes to the groom's family, so that at least the bride and her closet/suitcase is left to her.<br />
<br />
I call dowry as any one sided transaction, especially demanded.<br />
<br />
These days, it is considered very normal for the groom's family to demand x number of sarees/y number of suit-pieces, and the list goes on. It is also demanded that they be of a certain standard, extracting a certain expenditure. And all this is, obviously, one sided. Whoever disagrees that this is dowry is free to comment with reasons, but I call these not customs, but dowry. This is nothing but exploitation the bride's family by the groom's family and the society because the former gave birth to a daughter and the latter to a son a couple of decades back.<br />
<br />
This prolonged dowry doesn't end with the wedding, as commonly perceived. It is 'customary' for the parent's of the daughter to keep loading the boy's side with gifts on every festival or irrelevant occasion, with the boy's side gladly accepting it with either "arey, iski kya zarurat this" (What was the need for all this") or "bas? yeh to theek hai, par humare standards...chalo koi nahi, hum bade dilwale hain, eh bhi rakh lenge" (That's it? alright, but we were accepting better stuff, though we'll keep this, since we are large hearted people").<br />
<br />
Its funny in a twisted sort of a way how its "customary" for the bride's side to dress up not only their daughter, but the entire clan of the groom. And this is the very least. There is a lot more stuff demanded, which doesn't count in dowry. One wedding had the groom's father demand the bride's father to pay for the band-baaja of the groom's side. Meager 30k he said. By the way, all this is over and above what the bride's family pays for the groom's clan's stay and food and travel during the wedding days. Another wedding I know of had the groom's father demand from the bride's father money which the tailor will take when the groom's clan will get their suits stitched, whenever that is. Everyone laughs at these eccentricities, calls them unnecessary stretching of the "custom". When will they have the courage to see that that very custom, including all the eccentricities are based on Dowry! Say that word! Let it hit your ears!<br />
Its dowry, and it will continue till the bride's family will feel they are lesser in stature just because they have the girl. This only fuels the groom's side, making them prouder and prouder of having that Y chromosome decades back.<br />
<br />
There was a time when the investment on the baby boy would be his education and on the baby girl would be her wedding. Since the latter was hardly an investment, as it gave no returns, girls were despised in our society. Now, with the emancipation and liberation movements, where in educated classes not investing in the daughters education would be looked down upon, parents of this girl child are stuck as there is still no "look down upon" in the investment it takes to get your girl married. Now, more than ever, these parents of this girl have to spend multiple times more on their child than the parents of a boy. This happens to be a subtle disincentive, if not blatant punishment for having a girl, and a reward for having a boy.<br />
<br />
The desired action needs to be a two way process- Both side HAVE to start calling this dowry. No cowardly escapism allowed. Then, BOTH sides need to actively and consciously stop the practice. <br />
The bride's side needs to prouden-up for the girl they have brought up. That day, they will do her proud, do her justice.
<br />
<br /></div>
oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-13919082958567986632012-08-30T02:11:00.000-07:002012-08-30T02:12:11.393-07:00 Lost by Love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>You had a terrible breakup? Your partner snapped one fine day, and just refuses to come back?</i><br />
<i>How long should you brood? How long should you try? </i><br />
<i>And most importantly, what does this break up say about YOU?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Amit (name changed) is having a terrible time. His fiance, (they'd got engaged after four and a half years of courtship) has just realized that she doesn't feel for him the way she used to.<br />
<br />
From her point of view, she did him, herself, and the relationship a great favour by being courageously honest about it after her introspection told her this wasn't what she wanted. She says, its better now, that when things get worse after marriage.<br />
<br />
From his point of view, he is completely unable to comprehend as to HOW can anyone just realize one fine day that they aren't meant to be!<br />
<br />
He wants answers, and she doesn't see the questions.<br />
She isn't seeing anyone, so it wasn't the case of dumping one person for the other. I genuinely seemed to be true that she did not feel the "love" for him anymore!<br />
<br />
<br />
SO.<br />
While she may be a little sad, she is functioning perfectly, so she isn't so much of a concern for me.<br />
The person concerned is the guy here. He believes that she will, one day, return. She strongly knows she won't.<br />
<i>What would you tell the guy?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Its a terrible time to have. Its like sudden death of a loved one, without any explanations or goodbyes.<br />
After wishing it never happens to anyone, I proceed to give a few points around how one can cope in this situation:<br />
<br />
1. You have to realize, FIRST of all, that it wasn't YOUR fault. You are NOT to be blamed.<br />
YOU CANNOT control your partner's emotions or thinking.<br />
<br />
2. I do not say it's easy to cheer up. It was a promise broken, a commitment dishonoured. However, refer to the above point again and again. When someone hands you a cheque that bounces, THEY are held responsible, not you!<br />
<br />
3. Do NOT stay alone.<br />
Now I realize this is going to be very difficult as this is what you would be comfortable doing- being along, dark, unhealthy eating/drinking habits, substance abuse etc.<br />
But how can you let someone else control you so much? Esp someone who did not let you control her (at all!!!). That's like saying, "I will punish myself because I got punished without my fault". How does that make sense?<br />
Keep yourself out of this downward spiral. Force yourself to keep your social life normal. The force WILL be needed for sometime. FORCE yourself to eat healthy during this time, and make sure you're drinking lots of water!<br />
<br />
You were a great partner- loyal and loving. <br />
You obviously deserve the same amount of loyalty back hence, I strongly believe, its a good thing if your non-committal friend let you be for someone better!<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-34652737650467041592012-04-19T11:37:00.000-07:002012-04-21T11:40:12.817-07:00The Other Side<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>Should historical deprivations become a ground for your present apologies?</i><br />
<br />
Dear women, (and other sections of society who feel disadvantaged- use analogies, as I shall refrain from commenting)<br />
<br />
I'll start to the point.<br />
<br />
How do you feel when men brand you as a 'slut' for wearing revealing clothes or overdoing makeup, because you know, some of them actually have experienced shrewd, manipulative, and cunning women who would flirt and sleep with them for shopping and/or money? (Some have actually been extremely insensitive to their feelings, and no wonder they have such negative feelings towards the prototype.)<br />
<br />
How do you feel? Insulted? Stereotyped? Victimized? Unfair?<br />
<br />
Now,<br />
<br />
I only ask, how do you think it is fair for you to judge the man sitting in the metro/bus while you stand? Unless you have a handicap, or are old, you have no right to even look at the man with those ridiculing eyes. He could be tired. Much more tired than you. He's a man, after all-not a God, you always assert- right?<br />
<br />
I only ask, how do you think it is fair for you to judge the man who brushed against you in the same bus? I have traveled by bus a lot, and I know the harassment, the subtle touching, the in-your-face touching- I've been through all. But you know what? I have been through scared men covering themselves with their office bags, terrified to lose balance and even touch a female being by mistake.<br />
<br />
The men today have been extremely marginalized and victimized and stereotyped, because we women have really stopped at nothing! This is not just in the public sphere, but the private sphere as well. Most of us have become pseudo-liberalized have gone on to become dictator-like citizens.<br />
<br />
We've been taught to act out against any such misbehaviour, but aren't we not applying our minds and discretion at all, and because of which the men suffer?<br />
They do not deserve to go through this! Its as inhuman as untouchability!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I, lastly, only ask, how do you think it is fair for you to expect the man to be chivalrous, when what you demand is equality?<br />
<br />
Lets show the men that we can be responsible with the protective laws set out for us. Lets assure them the shall not be oppressed.<br />
Because, all oppressed rise, and then it shall not be pleasant.<br />
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-69226760526227954942012-04-05T06:31:00.000-07:002012-04-05T09:07:33.495-07:00Ladder of a Lady<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<h2 style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></h2>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Is the fact that a woman earns, enough to ensure that she is free, independent? Is the fact that she is "allowed" to go out and make a career enough to ensure that she is being treated as an equal, and not being discriminated against by her own family, her society?</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Yes, one may realize, that just because one works, does not mean he's free- he could be slave to a lord- man or woman! Yes, one may realize, that just because a woman is making a career does not mean she is not being discriminated against- but glass ceiling is now an overused concept- so what now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As I will proceed, the difference will be clear- I talk not of freedom and justice in the professional sphere, but in the personal, societal and cultural sphere-with respect to a woman's profession.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My casual observations boil down a working woman's concept as various levels at which society determines a woman's professional role:</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">1. Where she works cz she is forced to, to do things she would rather not. Includes de-humanizing activities</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<dl>
<dt><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">M</span><span style="font-family: Arial;">an's love is of man's life a thing apart,</span></span></dt>
<dt><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">'Tis woman's whole existence.</span></dt>
</dl>
<div align="right">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">LORD BYRON, <i>Don Juan</i></span></div>
</div>
<div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">2. When she works to support her family, where the husband refuses to get off his ass spend lesser on alcohol and drugs. Her work here usually consists of manual labour, including coming back to take care of hme and kids, and very possibly, his parents.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">3. When she is not allowed to work as her sole role is boiled down to that of a child-bearer</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<dl><div align="left">
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<dt><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">Of all the paths lead to a woman's love</span></dt>
<dt><span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">Pity's the straightest.</span></dt>
</div>
</dl>
<div align="right">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">JOHN FLETCHER, <i>The Knight of Malta</i></span></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">4. Where she is given the "freedom" to work or not work. Usually upper class. Girls usually are pampered, and work because its in fashion, and will probably not carry on working in few years, when socializing and parlours and kids take up time (more on that, <a href="http://analyzeourselves.blogspot.in/2012/03/barricades-in-bourgeoisie.html" target="_blank">here</a>). At the same level we can find those women who have a career, but will be seen by the family as "its her 'problem' if she is choosing to work outside of home, she has to just give up on her leisure time now to take care of her house, husband and kids- because only men deserve leisure time if they work.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Here comes the concept of the society glorifying the "supermom"- the woman who has all the possible responsibilities on her head! This is where our society is hanging, and the women who are essentially very normal human beings and no super moms, will face injustice after injustice in a country where you apparently have "freedom to choose your occupation". You cannot restrict social role of a person because of the caste, you now have to learn to have the same fair attitude towards gender!</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult.</span><br />
<div align="right">
<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-family: Arial;">MELINDA GATES, <i>Woman's Day Magazine</i>, Oct. 2, 2007</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">5. Where she is actually brought up with the freedom to have ambition, with the encouragement to succeed. these girls are the ones who you will usually find doing stuff they are enjoying and stuff which is making them happy, not just brining their families money. These girls will usually go far in their chosen line of career, as it will be as much a priority for her as any man in her society.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Where do you as a woman stand? Where do you, as a mother of a daughter stand? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Most importantly, where do you, as a father, brother, husband, boyfriend stand? Do you have the confidence on your manhood to make an effort to set her free from the regressive society?</span></div>
</div>oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-18414241010199419522012-03-12T07:00:00.000-07:002012-03-12T07:06:41.743-07:00When Mars mars the Man<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-top: 0.4em; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<i style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"><b>"Mangal Dosha</b> is an astrolog</i><i style="font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">ical combination that occurs if Mars is in the 1st,2nd, 4th, 7th, 8th, or 12th house of the Vedic astrology Ascendant chart. A person born in the presence of this condition is termed a <b>manglik</b>.</i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-top: 0.4em; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<i>This condition is astrologically believed to be devastating for marriages, causing discomfort and tension in relationship, leading to severe disharmony among the spouses and eventually to other bigger problems."</i></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-top: 0.4em; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<i>-Wikipedia </i></div>
<br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I used to find some aspects of astrology very amusing, but lately being of age that I am, I do not find some concepts so funny anymore, both as a psychologist and as a human being.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It is a fact that when there is ambiguity, rumours will come up, and people will keep cooking stories to get a sense of satisfaction of knowing what is out there. Just before examination results, students will try to find out the result by asking that crystal ball reader online or perform a lot of rituals, as if the marks are miraculously going to change. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">All these are nothing but tactics we employ when we are anxious to calm our nerves with this perceived sense of control we get.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In the society of arranged marriages, where the bride and the groom are are strangers to each other, both sides of the family are digging for some amount of certainty, some assurance that all will be well. For this reason, very prevalent is the practice of matching horoscopes. The boy and the girl will both have their <i>janampatris</i> or horoscopes, based on the exact time and the location of birth. T<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">his will detail their personalities, problems, etc. based on the positions of the planets at the time of birth. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br /></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">"Mangal dosha" is the most common problem in horoscope matching. Mangliks are said to have a disastrous relationship with non-manglik, to the extent that the presence of the former can lead to accidents, ill health, and even death of the latter. Hence, Mangliks can only marry Mangliks to "cancel out" the ill effects. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><i>How would you feel, if you woke up one day to realize you are a bad luck? And why, because your deeds are bad? No, because you were born at the certain time at a certain place. </i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">I always was of the opinion, that even if I do not believe in these superstitions, it is alright to respect others' sentiments and sit quiet, as there is no harm. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">However, I rethink the last part of the sentence. There is harm. Lot of it.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">If we come to think of it, there maybe so many cases where lovers would have to part because of this superstition, and so many cases where they would have go through a completely </span><a href="http://www.shaaditimes.com/love/gender-relations/manglik-080922" style="text-align: left;" target="_blank">unnecessary struggle</a>!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And I will not even talk so much about lovers. I will here talk of the person who has been diagnosed with this "Mangal Dosh". How would it effect the individual's psyche, his self esteem, even if he/she is once told he/she is a threat to his/her loved ones? And in cases of arranged marriages, the word spreads among the community, who tut-tut the individual and pray they get someone...anyone with a similar dosh. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I would not like to insult positive people, but its almost like you have a sexually transmittable disease, because your mother's labour ended at a certain time and hence can only marry a partner who too has that. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I am in fact encouraged to study the self esteem levels of these people diagnosed with Mangal Dosh. No doubt it is affected, and more so of those who internalize this belief.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Self esteem, which plays such a major factor in one's emotions, cognition, and performance does not deserve to be marred by a superstition. It is criminal. In fact, I would strongly advocate legislation against this. We can match horoscopes for fun, even for 'compatibility' alright, but no one has any right to inflict such shocks on you, that you are unlucky or mystically life threatening! </span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Legislation</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> will not happen now. There is too much of a vote bank on stake. If Sati pratha and Hindu Succession Rights faced so much opposition, this is likely not to happen very soon. But us, the youth of marriageable age can stand up strongly against it. Look around, it could be your friend who would have liked to get married before she hit 30, but is forced to stay unmarried as she is not getting a "suitable partner" whose major qualification to be her life partner would be that he is manglik. It could be your girlfriend/your boyfriend, your potential spouse in an arranged marriage. It could be you.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">These days, there are "cures" for being manglik. This has evolved only because the society is evolving and more and more people are choosing their partners themselves, popularly called <i>love-marriage</i> n India. They obviously do not match horoscopes before falling in love. So to adjust their <i>dakshina</i> with this crowd, the pandit community have come up "cures" and "solutions" to reduce the impact of mangal dosha. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">There are elaborate poojas and <a href="http://jyotishaacharyasumitbajaj.blogspot.in/2009/01/kumbh-vivah.html" target="_blank">kumbh</a> vivah. How demeaning can it be to go through such rituals to free yourselves from some superstition? I dont speak of the rites per se, but I do speak of the intentions and the concept behind the rights. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Like I pointed out earlier, no human should be made to go through this...its inhuman.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I was born on the first day of the navratras (a good omen), just after a lunar eclipse (a bad omen) ended. I shudder to think what would I be going through had the foetal me decided to give my mother a little less of labour pain. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But regardless of what I would have been made to go through, rest assured, I would have definitely not taken all this lying down. <b>Neither I will let anyone around me get effected by it, </b>however mildly,<b> nor should you.</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-12316501804423391582012-03-11T04:17:00.000-07:002012-03-11T04:18:55.018-07:00Language and Confidence<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>Sometime back I got a query. It was a young man, who wrote to me at length about his dream of clearing the SSB, and his lack of confidence which pulled him out of GDs and Interviews. From the language and the grammar of the mail, it was certain to me that the boy, though smart and articulate, was not comfortable with the English language. On probing, he shared that he was allowed to speak in Hindi (his mother tongue), but he tried to speak in English during the selection processes as he thought it will fetch him extra points. He wanted a solution for his "GD-phobia". I told him he cannot be diagnosed with any phobia via email, and he may visit a psychologist near him if he feels the need. Nevertheless, I shared with him some general points to help him out, which I will share here as it can be applicable to anyone...</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
Being skilled at multiple languages is always an asset. It is good to learn and practice as many languages as possible. Just like it is the best to read about stuff you do not know about. However, when it examination time, and you future depends on this examination, would you choose to answer a question you are sure about, or would you try answering a question you do not know about?<br />
<br />
Similarly, when you know that during the selection process, they are testing your intelligence, your articulation and most importantly, your confidence you should not try to use a language you know you are not comfortable with. It is better to speak fluently and correctly in Hindi in your GDs and Interviews, than incorrectly in English, which will only highlight your weakness of not mastering a language. Other than that, you lose out at another front-confidence. When you know you are not good at something, this belief will always be stopping you from performing your best. You will appear nervous and unsure.<br />
<br />
It is understandable that English now is a global language. You may practice the language while conversing with a well-versed friend, till it develops enough to be used at such critical junctures.<br />
Having said that, it is important for every Indian citizen to know that our government jobs do not ask for mastery over English language. Its good enough to just understand it. The government has all your languages listed up- so any person, whatever State they reside in, can converse comfortably in his/her mother tongue when going for a government-job selection.<br />
<br />
Certainly, for all India services like the army, a standard language is required and hence they give you the option of English or Hindi. But if you are like this gentleman who was comfortable with Hindi and not in English, please use Hindi. Your expression and confidence will cover up all doubts you have about losing points when you use Hindi.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Language is a beautiful gift to the human beings. Use it to your advantage, do not let it become your handicap!</b><br />
<b><br /></b><br />
Good Luck :)<br />
Yours Personally<br />
<i><br /></i></div>oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1330904789564020715.post-37763623566847451092012-03-10T12:14:00.002-08:002012-03-10T23:51:43.544-08:00India's "joint families" and its population woes!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>Before I even start this, I will take a few words to say to all those who live in joint families that I am aware of our "culture" of extended families staying together. I feel its a beautiful concept of togetherness that has many advantages...the commentary below is just that-a personal commentary based on my observations. </i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
What two concepts am I proposing to connect? <i>Who one lives with does not at all effect one's choices regarding family planing.</i> Or maybe, it does. And much more deeply than you think.<br />
<br />
Sociologically, the Indian son never grows up. The daughter does-she attains puberty, and her roles change, she gets married, and she leaves her house and her parents, she gets new roles (and lots of "responsibilities"), she becomes a mother (and is told that it is only then that she is "complete"), etc. etc.<br />
So yes, she evolves in our society, but the son will always remain the infantile son.<br />
<br />
He stays with his parents throughout his life. His mother takes care of him till he gets a wife to do that. If he is earning an independent income, it is usually put into a family account and he has to ask his parents for a pocket money. If he is not earning an independent income, that is also just fine. And THIS is where I connect the joint family to our population woes.<br />
<br />
The Indian sons and daughters are married off "at a certain age". This is usually irrespective of where they stand professionally, or even psychologically. Additionally, marrying sons off is seen as a way to get the sons "under control". Just like having babies is seen as a way to resolve marital conflicts.<br />
<br />
If only the sons too were allowed to grow up. If they did not have their parents' household ready to move in a wife whenever the mother felt the need for a <i>bahu</i>, things would have been different.<br />
The son would then grow up become to be a man. He would first take care of his work, his bank balance, a place to live, etc. before getting married. This would delay his marriage to when he is mature enough to understand the meaning of being in a wedlock, to when he understands his responsibilities towards his wife.<br />
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This would further delay childbirths as he would also now understand the having children has a purpose more than giving his parents entertainment and heir. He would have them when he feels he is ready to take good care of them, just like he got married when he felt he was ready for the role.<br />
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The men with such character with also tend to respect their wives and their decisions regarding family planning, and not blindly follow his oedipal instincts and follow the mother's instructions towards such private matters. This maturity and sense of responsibility in men shall have a cascading effect on our population statistics. Not only will the children be born late, they will also be fewer in number.<br />
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Joint families were meant for strong emotional support. However, bringing up your son to become so pathologically dependent on you that he has no productivity or a sense of purpose or responsibility is a crime many families are committing against their sons. And to clarify, this is prevalent across economic classes.<br />
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Seriously, just because your father's business is doing well does not mean you are ready to take on responsibilities of a married life. Let alone those of a father.<br />
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Get a job. Get a life. Control Population.</div>oceansbridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07283636247633972405noreply@blogger.com4