Thursday, August 30, 2012

Lost by Love

You had a terrible breakup? Your partner snapped one fine day, and just refuses to come back?
How long should you brood? How long should you try? 
And most importantly, what does this break up say about YOU?

Amit (name changed) is having a terrible time. His fiance, (they'd got engaged after four and a half years of courtship) has just realized that she doesn't feel for him the way she used to.

From her point of view, she did him, herself, and the relationship a great favour by being courageously honest about it after her introspection told her this wasn't what she wanted. She says, its better now, that when things get worse after marriage.

From his point of view, he is completely unable to comprehend as to HOW can anyone just realize one fine day that they aren't meant to be!

He wants answers, and she doesn't see the questions.
She isn't seeing anyone, so it wasn't the case of dumping one person for the other. I genuinely seemed to be true that she did not feel the "love" for him anymore!

While she may be a little sad, she is functioning perfectly, so she isn't so much of a concern for me.
The person concerned is the guy here. He believes that she will, one day, return. She strongly knows she won't.
What would you tell the guy?

Its a terrible time to have. Its like sudden death of a loved one, without any explanations or goodbyes.
After wishing it never happens to anyone, I proceed to give a few points around how one can cope in this situation:

1. You have to realize, FIRST of all, that it wasn't YOUR fault. You are NOT to be blamed.
YOU CANNOT control your partner's emotions or thinking.

2. I do not say it's easy to cheer up. It was a promise broken, a commitment dishonoured. However, refer to  the above point again and again. When someone hands you a cheque that bounces, THEY are held responsible, not you!

3. Do NOT stay alone.
   Now I realize this is going to be very difficult as this is what you would be comfortable doing- being along, dark, unhealthy eating/drinking habits, substance abuse etc.
But how can you let someone else control you so much? Esp someone who did not let you control her (at all!!!). That's like saying, "I will punish myself because I got punished without my fault". How does that make sense?
Keep yourself out of this downward spiral. Force yourself to keep your social life normal. The force WILL be needed for sometime. FORCE yourself to eat healthy during this time, and make sure you're drinking lots of water!

You were a great partner- loyal and loving.
You obviously deserve the same amount of loyalty back hence, I strongly believe, its a good thing if your non-committal friend let you be for someone better!